Is anyone out there good at this? Do any of you expect life to throw you really unexpected twists and turns?
I'm not. And I don't.
It's hard to think that way isn't it?
Yet, this is the thought that has found its way across my mind many times in the last few weeks- "expect the unexpected."
3 weeks ago, on Tuesday, August 24th at 5:47 PM, our sweet little baby boy was born, ten weeks early, weighing 2 lbs 10 oz and 14 1/2 inches long. I had severe pre-eclampsia and as my body got more and more sick the doctors decided that our baby was no longer safe to stay inside me, not to mention, I wasn't safe with him inside me either.
Keaton Justin Norman
I have never had such a unexpected week in my whole life.
While in the hospital, after Keaton was born, I would wake up in the middle of the night not knowing where I was, or why I wasn't pregnant anymore. I would then realize I was in the hospital and not remember why. It all felt like a bad dream- a nightmare really. It didn't feel real. NOTHING felt real. It's hard to explain exactly what all the horrible thoughts were like and how they felt, but my life felt like it had fallen apart.
As the days passed, and I came home from the hospital, leaving our baby boy there to be taken care of, the reality of what happened started to sink in and my emotions struggled to know how I should feel. I worried about our baby, cried a lot, and didn't know how I was going to get through the day, let alone the week, the next few months...until Keaton can come home to us.
One morning, just a few days after I got home from the hospital, Justin turned on a church CD in the family room and while I was lying in bed I could hear the sound of the hymns playing. I stayed in bed for a long time that morning, even after Justin had left for school, and just listened to the music while in and out of sleep. But one of the songs stuck in my head and stayed in my head throughout the day...
"I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand... upheld by my righteous omnipotent hand." (How Firm a Foundation, Hymn #85- verse 3)
But it was these lines from the song that really affected me,
"As thy days may demand, as thy days may demand, as thy days may demand, so thy succor shall be." (How Firm a Foundation, Hymn #85- verse 2)
And suddenly, after these words repeating themselves over and over again inside my head, I realized that they were the answer to my prayers. And they became my comfort as I realized that although what I am going through is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life, and that it isn't going to be over anytime soon I realized that my Savior will be with me to "succor" me "as [my] days may demand." For as long as I need Him he will be here for me- he will always be here for me "to strengthen [me], help [me], and cause [me] to stand."
And I just knew that this is what I need,
my Savior.
We all do.
