The refiner's fire.

"But who may abide the day of his coming? and who shall stand when he appeareth? for he is like a refiner's fire, and the fullers soap: And he shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver: and he shall purify the sons of Levi, and purge them as gold and silver, that they may offer unto the Lord an offering in righteousness."
Malachi 3:2-3


A refiner knows when the silver is ready when he sees his image in it.

God is our refiner and He watches us the entire time we are in the fire- until He sees His image in us.

In the moments when you feel deepest in the recesses of the fiery flames of life remember, remember that God is ever watching over you. Our trials in this life are what eventually refine us into a reflection of our Savior and Redeemer.

I have anxiety. {remembering my best friend Marianne}

"Excuse me, your OCD is showing. (Just thought you ought to know?)"

Oh, I know. 


          I have anxiety.

I try to pretend I don't. I try to hide it when others are around. But, the truth of the matter is that I do and sometimes it's pretty darn apparent.

Especially lately.

Back in High School (which lately feels like a million years ago) while with my best friend Marianne in her room I found a couple of these little dolls on the floor by her bed.

I laughed a little. What funny little dolls to just be lying around a teenager girls room.

"What are these?" I asked.

"Oh," She said as she took them from me and held them in her hand like they were something special/fragile. "They are my worry dolls."

I became very curious. "What are worry dolls?"

"Every night, before I go to bed, I whisper to each one a worry of mine and then put them under my pillow... and, they take my worries away while I sleep."

I knew right away that I needed some worry dolls too.

And, although I haven't used them in years and years I found them in the drawer of my nightstand the other night and seriously considered secretly telling them all my anxious feelings.

It couldn't hurt right?

Life.

Wonderful, happy, sad, seemingly unbearable- all of it- equals what we all term as our life.

My days have been filled with sadness, loneliness, and uncertainty lately. One moment I feel perfectly fine, capable, and full of faith. And the next moment I can't stop the tears.

After experiencing two miscarriages in the past 6 months and wondering how I will find the strength to move on I've found myself thinking a lot about life lately. My own life in particular. And, (in my opinion, by some miracle) have come to the calming conclusion that through it all, good and bad, amazing and horrible, all these "pieces" (the lost babies, the heartache, the pain) are still a part of my life- the one life I have gratefully been blessed with and I feel strongly that I cannot waste my time waiting for my trials to diminish and the light to peek through the seemingly endless dark clouds that surround my life at times like these- I must create the light out of the darkness.

I watched a cute movie recently (on the Disney channel, of course) and one of the songs they sing at the end plays in my mind over and over again lately...

"This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine... let it shine, let it shine, let it shine...!"

My light feels little and I'm not sure how much light it gives off at times, but I know that I do want to "let it shine!"

Apparently, light has become somewhat of a theme in my life these last few weeks. The words to one of my newly favorite hymns "Lead Kindly Light" reads-

(1st half of verse 1)

"Lead kindly light amid th'encircling gloom; Lead thou me on! 

The night is dark, and I am far from home; Lead thou me on!"

...

(third verse)

"So long thy pow'r hath blest me, sure it still will lead me on

o'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, till night is gone.

And with the morn those angel faces smile,

which I have loved long since, and lost a-while!"

I feel the light of my Savior and I have seen those angel faces smile in the earthly angels of family members and those that I have met here in Columbus, Nebraska. Not only has it been a little bit hard to move so far from everything so familiar, but to go through yet another miscarriage has just been more at times than I feel I am able to bear. 

But, although I feel loss, sadness, and a very heavy heart I must not forget to count my many blessing for I am truly and amazingly blessed in so many ways. In my kitchen there are a few decorations which have given some peace to my heavy heart in the moments when things feel the very hardest.

My grandma Adams gave me this quote tile a couple years ago and I have always loved it, but lately as I pass it I feel so much strength in its words. 

Some days it is just the little things that seem to carry me through. Small reminders that I am not alone. My Savior, Jesus Christ, knows and loves me. {Alma 7:11-12} I have a family both back in Utah and here in Nebraska who care about me and my small family. Everything will be okay. I will be okay. My Savior will lead me on if I can only put my faith in him. It might will not be easy, but I truly believe it will be worth it.

A humorous coincidence.

Do you recognize this man? His name is Mandy Patinkin and he plays, Huxley, the bad guy in the movie Elmo in Grouchland, my little boy, Keaton's, very favorite movie!

Do you recognize him now? (The first guy on the left!) Yep, that is Mandy Patinkin again, or maybe better known as Jason Gideon from one of my very favorite shows, Criminal Minds!

I find it quite funny that this man is pretty much the main character in both my son and I's favorite shows! I didn't realize the connection at first, but when I did I couldn't help but laugh out loud.

Do you watch Criminal Minds? (I'm addicted!)

P.S. You might also recognize Mr. Patinkin from The Princess Bride... Google it, it's pretty funny!

Neglected.

That's how this blog must surely feel. I can't believe I only posted 1 post all of last year. How sad. I would like to start using this blog a lot more...

We shall see if that happens or not I guess.

a new year

“SEIZE THE DAY.”

I AM ASHLEY NICOLE NORMAN

WIFE, MOTHER, FRIEND.

“EVERY BEGINNING COMES FROM SOME OTHER BEGINNINGS END.”

THIS YEAR IS MY YEAR.

I HAVE LEARNED FROM MY PAST, LIVE IN MY PRESENT, AND STRIVE TO BETTER MYSELF FOR MY FUTURE- A FUTURE WHICH IS ALWAYS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER- ALWAYS ONLY A DAY AWAY.

                  AVID                CREATIVE                         PATIENT

I AM A READER, A WRITER, AND A TEACHER.

I AM A GOAL KEEPER.

I RECOGNIZE WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT. I FOCUS ON ONLY WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT. AND I FORGIVE MYSELF WHEN I SCREW UP BEING PERFECT AT DOING WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT.

I AM NOT PERFECT.

I AM A LOVER.

–SPONTANEOUS, FUN, EASY-GOING-

I KNOW HOW TO SHOW JUSTIN- MY ONE AND ONLY- THAT I LOVE HIM, AND I DO IT. DAILY. AND JUST CAUSE WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR OVER 2 YEARS DOESN’T MEAN WE CAN’T ACT LIKE HONEYMOONERS. J

I AM A STUDENT. “EDUCATION IS THE MOST POWERFUL WEAPON WHICH YOU CAN USE TO CHANGE THE WORLD.” –NELSON MANDELA

-I IMMERSE MY MIND, MY HEART, MY SOUL IN BOOKS THAT EXPLORE ALL WALKS OF LIFE, BOTH REAL AND FANTASTICAL-

“I AM TRYING TO BE LIKE JESUS.”

I SEEK OUT THOSE IN NEED OF MY SERVICE.

I GIVE MY TIME TO THE CALLINGS I’VE BEEN GIVEN.

I UTILIZE MY TALENTS TO SPREAD THE GOSPEL.

I AM ME.

AND I WILL,

SEIZE THE DAY.

Want to write your own mission statement?  Here are some reasons why you should... 

The Benefits of a Well-Defined Mission Statement

• It focuses your energy and clarifies your purpose. When you try to write your mission statement, you will find that you have to really define what you are going to do. Many questions will come up that must be resolved. Be careful to keep your mission narrowly focused to ensure that you don't bite off more than you can chew.
• A well-defined mission statement can and should motivate YOU. Make your mission statement compelling as well as clear.

Some Tips for Writing Your Mission Statement

• Bring in many perspectives. This will help you develop a broad base of support.
• Allow enough time. Time spent now will pay off later. So, don't rush the process. Provide time to reflect on the information you gather, to write an initial draft, to allow key participants to read it, and to make changes.
• Be open to new ideas. Be open to different interpretations of what you should be doing and new ideas about how to accomplish your goals. Use brainstorming techniques to ensure that all ideas come forward freely. You can winnow them down later.
• Write short and only what you need. The best mission statements are short and state the obvious. Your statement's length and complexity depends on what you want to do, but keep it as brief as possible. You should be able to use the statement frequently, so make it brief and succinct. 
• Review your mission statement frequently.

(information about creating a mission statement from http://nonprofit.about.com/od/nonprofitbasics/a/mission.htm)

And here are a few other mission statement "rules" to remember...

#1- Use "I" in your mission statements, and keep it POSITIVE.

#2- Your mission statement should be used as a reminder of the person you are working on becoming, so it's okay to add "I" statements that aren't true yet, but will be in the future. :)

#3- And personally, I like to use favorite quotes that kind of represent "themes" or important aspects I want to focus on  in my life.

"Fear not, I am with thee"

"Expect the unexpected."

Is anyone out there good at this? Do any of you expect life to throw you really unexpected twists and turns?

I'm not. And I don't.

It's hard to think that way isn't it?

Yet, this is the thought that has found its way across my mind many times in the last few weeks- "expect the unexpected."

3 weeks ago, on Tuesday, August 24th at 5:47 PM, our sweet little baby boy was born, ten weeks early, weighing 2 lbs 10 oz and 14 1/2 inches long. I had severe pre-eclampsia and as my body got more and more sick the doctors decided that our baby was no longer safe to stay inside me, not to mention, I wasn't safe with him inside me either. 

Keaton Justin Norman

I have never had such a unexpected week in my whole life. 

While in the hospital, after Keaton was born, I would wake up in the middle of the night not knowing where I was, or why I wasn't pregnant anymore. I would then realize I was in the hospital and not remember why. It all felt like a bad dream- a nightmare really. It didn't feel real. NOTHING felt real. It's hard to explain exactly what all the horrible thoughts were like and how they felt, but my life felt like it had fallen apart.

As the days passed, and I came home from the hospital, leaving our baby boy there to be taken care of, the reality of what happened started to sink in and my emotions struggled to know how I should feel. I worried about our baby, cried a lot, and didn't know how I was going to get through the day, let alone the week, the next few months...until Keaton can come home to us. 

One morning, just a few days after I got home from the hospital, Justin turned on a church CD in the family room and while I was lying in bed I could hear the sound of the hymns playing. I stayed in bed for a long time that morning, even after Justin had left for school, and just listened to the music while in and out of sleep. But one of the songs stuck in my head and stayed in my head throughout the day...

"I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand... upheld by my righteous omnipotent hand." (How Firm a Foundation, Hymn #85- verse 3)

But it was these lines from the song that really affected me,

"As thy days may demand, as thy days may demand, as thy days may demand, so thy succor shall be." (How Firm a Foundation, Hymn #85- verse 2)

And suddenly, after these words repeating themselves over and over again inside my head, I realized that they were the answer to my prayers. And they became my comfort as I realized that although what I am going through is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life, and that it isn't going to be over anytime soon I realized that my Savior will be with me to "succor" me "as [my] days may demand." For as long as I need Him he will be here for me- he will always be here for me "to strengthen [me], help [me], and cause [me] to stand." 

And I just knew that this is what I need,

                                                                         my Savior. 

We all do.

service

President Eyring has told us that our Savior considers us all to be his friends.

DC 84:77- "And again I say unto you, my friends, for from henceforth I shall call you friends, it is expedient that I give unto you this commandment, that ye become even as my friends in days when I was with them, traveling to preach the gospel in my power."

As we serve others for Him, we become His friend. This is an intimate and special title. Jesus Christ is our perfect example of what it means to be a friend and we must follow that example if we are to draw closer unto Him. 

Everyday, all around us, there are people longing for the kind of comfort, guidance, and protection that only a true friend can offer. With the Spirit as our companion we can be that friend.

Pray for opportunities to be the kind of friend Christ needs us to be and then watch for those opportunities daily. Let you heart be open to making new friends through your service to them, or to serving old friends, ones you have known and felt close to throughout your whole life. The Spirit will speak to you. Prepare- through daily prayer and scriptures study- yourself to hear the still small voice and be ready to respond.

President Eyring expresses in his first presidency message for the month of July that, "Old friends have reached out to me across the miles and years to offer encouragement when only God could have told them of my burden."

We simply never know who's prayer we could be an answer to.

(based on President Henry B. Eyring's first presidency message "Faithful Friends" July 2010 Ensign)

a mom's divine role

Jesus loved the little children.

As I come closer to the day that I will become a mother I can't help but pray for the guidance and direction that will lead me to become the kind of mother that I long to be. Daily, I pray for this guidance, never really expecting it to come all at once, or even for it to come at all before the arrival of our little one. But, last night while listening to Elder L. Tom Perry's talk from this month's General Conference this prayer was answered and the exact guidance and direction I have been asking for was given.

Elder L. Tom Perry speaks of his mother and her role as a Relief Society instructor and most importantly her role as a teacher in her home. He says, "I believe it is [even] safe to say that while my mother was an enormously effective teacher among the sisters at Relief Society, her best teaching occurred with her children in the home... she prepared so thoroughly, first, to be an example to her children of diligent Church service and, second, because she recognized that what she learned from preparing her lessons could be used repeatedly for a higher purpose—teaching her sons and her daughters."

And suddenly I have a new reason to study and learn.


Elder L. Tom Perry continues, "I am not using my mother as a role model for parents in today’s world. Times are very different today, but while times may change, a parent’s teaching must never be devalued."

When we look to our future as parents, as we gain educations, start careers, and serve in church callings, we need to remind ourselves who we will someday be teaching- or who we are already teaching- our children.


"Teaching in the home is becoming increasingly important in today’s world, where the influence of the adversary is so widespread and he is attacking, attempting to erode and destroy the very foundation of our society, even the family. Parents must resolve that teaching in the home is a most sacred and important responsibility."

I am so grateful for this most important and divine role.

(based on Elder L. Tom Perry's talk "Mothers Teaching Children in the Home" General Conference April 2010)

a pearl of great price

The Parable of the Pearl of Great Price

The title for the book The Pearl of Great Price comes from Matthew 13: 45-46,
"Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto a merchant man, seeking goodly pearls: Who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had, and bought it.

this one pearl spoken of in the above scripture is symbolic of the gospel of Jesus Christ

And this pearl is of such great value that it is worth it to give up everything in order to possess it in our lives.
When I think of pearls, I think of the beautiful bracelet that my husband gave to me as a gift for our first anniversary. How special it is to me! It is one of my most valued gifts that he has given me- one that I will always treasure.
 
Today I started reading a book called The Old Testament Made Easier by David J. Ridges, and as I read the Introduction about The Pearl of Great Price I came across this "parable of the pearl" and it made me think of my bracelet of beautiful, glittery, white pearls. And then I thought of the gospel and how it is by far my most precious pearl. And I would give up anything for it.
 
And I would give anything to share this goodly pearl with all I know. As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints it is our responsibility to share this "Pearl of Great Price" with all those we know and come in contact with, so that they may also share the wealth of this one most precious pearl.

(based on the "Introduction" to The Old Testament Made Easier by David J. Ridges)

the CUTEST book covers

Need a new scripture cover? A girl in my ward makes these ones and they are super cute and a super good price! Plus, if your scriptures are a different size than the average quad you can give her measurements and she can make one that fits your scriptures- or any book for that matter! Click HERE to check out Lauren's etsy shop and see the cute materials she has to pick from! Lauren also makes some super cute flower headbands with interchangeable flowers!
AND, just for fun (since I'm not sure anyone even looks at this little blog of mine) I will give the first person who comments on this post a scripture cover for FREE! You can choose the material and make it a scripture cover or book cover, your choice, and I will buy it for you! :) Sound like a good deal? I think it sounds like a lot of fun! Seriously, I love my new scripture cover so much (aren't the lemons so super cute!) and I can't wait to get some book covers made! Check out her shop and I hope to hear from you soon!

no room?

The search for Jesus.

"Come Follow Me." The Savior said. "But how do we follow him if first we don't find him? And how shall we find him if first we don't seek him? Where and how should be begin this search for Jesus?" -President Thomas S. Monson, Pathways to Perfection (pg. 262)

The way in which we all can find our Savior, even Jesus the Christ, has and always will be the same, says our Prophet, President Monson, "the earnest and sincere prayer of a humble and pure heart" finds Christ.

During this time of year we are reminded of the little Lord Jesus lying in a manger and we remember why he was placed in such a cradle- there was no room in the inn. "No room. No room. No room." (pg. 263) This is the way it has always been.

In our homes we have rooms that serve so many purposes; a room for eating, a room for sleeping, a room to watch TV. Where is a room for our Savior? In our lives we make time for so many things; shopping, sleeping, gaming, working- the list goes on and on. Where is our time for Christ?

We must make room for Jesus in our hearts and time for him in our lives.

Once we find Christ we must be willing to give our whole self to him. "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me." (pg. 214, Matthew 25:40)

This is a season of service. We feel it in the air. We feel it all around us. We hear it in the Christmas tunes playing softly in the background. We see it in our homes as we look at the lights on the tree and glance upon the baby Jesus in our nativity scenes. Let us all make it a point to make room for Christ during this holiday season, and throughout all our life. And let us also help others in their search for Jesus.

(based on "The search for Jesus" and "Can there any good thing come out of Nazareth?" Discourses of President Thomas S. Monson Pathways to Perfection)

President Thomas S. Monson

Our prophet leads us to truth.

"We learn truth when we associate with truth. We adopt error when we mingle with error." -President Thomas S. Monson, Pathways to Perfection (pg. 34)

to find TRUTH

-we must first have a desire to know for ourselves
-we must study
-we must pray
-we must do the will of the Father

"and then we will know the truth and the truth will make us free." (pg. 35)

Is the search for truth really all that important?

...there is a natural feeling that urges mankind towards truth

...finding truth is a responsibility placed on each of us


Jesus was sent on his mission here upon the earth to bear witness of truth.

Joseph Smith asked the question, "What is truth?" He had a desire, he studied, he prayed and he followed the will of the Father- and he found truth.

(based on "In search of truth" Discourses of President Thomas S. Monson Pathways to Perfection)

becoming fireproof

Lately its made me sad to hear about all the couples that I know that are struggling in their marriages. It's hard for me because I want to help and lots of times I just feel at a loss for words. I just don't know the right advice. Every relationship is so unique and there can be so many problems that clog up a marriage.

It can be hard to know how to love someone in the right way.

The movie Fireproof just amazes me. If you haven't seen it- watch it. No marriage is perfect and this movie shows that no matter how good- or bad your marriage is there is always room to improve.

Along with this movie comes the amazing challenge of The Love Dare. I'm on DAY 5 of this challenge and with each day's new "DARE" the film in front of my eyes becomes thinner and I am coming to understand that I am no where near being a perfect lover towards my husband.

MY GOALS: (so far)

-to let my dear husband be himself (by letting him make his own mistakes and give him even more time than he deserves to fix them)

-to be more patient

-to be less selfish