Life.

Wonderful, happy, sad, seemingly unbearable- all of it- equals what we all term as our life.

My days have been filled with sadness, loneliness, and uncertainty lately. One moment I feel perfectly fine, capable, and full of faith. And the next moment I can't stop the tears.

After experiencing two miscarriages in the past 6 months and wondering how I will find the strength to move on I've found myself thinking a lot about life lately. My own life in particular. And, (in my opinion, by some miracle) have come to the calming conclusion that through it all, good and bad, amazing and horrible, all these "pieces" (the lost babies, the heartache, the pain) are still a part of my life- the one life I have gratefully been blessed with and I feel strongly that I cannot waste my time waiting for my trials to diminish and the light to peek through the seemingly endless dark clouds that surround my life at times like these- I must create the light out of the darkness.

I watched a cute movie recently (on the Disney channel, of course) and one of the songs they sing at the end plays in my mind over and over again lately...

"This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine... let it shine, let it shine, let it shine...!"

My light feels little and I'm not sure how much light it gives off at times, but I know that I do want to "let it shine!"

Apparently, light has become somewhat of a theme in my life these last few weeks. The words to one of my newly favorite hymns "Lead Kindly Light" reads-

(1st half of verse 1)

"Lead kindly light amid th'encircling gloom; Lead thou me on! 

The night is dark, and I am far from home; Lead thou me on!"

...

(third verse)

"So long thy pow'r hath blest me, sure it still will lead me on

o'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, till night is gone.

And with the morn those angel faces smile,

which I have loved long since, and lost a-while!"

I feel the light of my Savior and I have seen those angel faces smile in the earthly angels of family members and those that I have met here in Columbus, Nebraska. Not only has it been a little bit hard to move so far from everything so familiar, but to go through yet another miscarriage has just been more at times than I feel I am able to bear. 

But, although I feel loss, sadness, and a very heavy heart I must not forget to count my many blessing for I am truly and amazingly blessed in so many ways. In my kitchen there are a few decorations which have given some peace to my heavy heart in the moments when things feel the very hardest.

My grandma Adams gave me this quote tile a couple years ago and I have always loved it, but lately as I pass it I feel so much strength in its words. 

Some days it is just the little things that seem to carry me through. Small reminders that I am not alone. My Savior, Jesus Christ, knows and loves me. {Alma 7:11-12} I have a family both back in Utah and here in Nebraska who care about me and my small family. Everything will be okay. I will be okay. My Savior will lead me on if I can only put my faith in him. It might will not be easy, but I truly believe it will be worth it.

A humorous coincidence.

Do you recognize this man? His name is Mandy Patinkin and he plays, Huxley, the bad guy in the movie Elmo in Grouchland, my little boy, Keaton's, very favorite movie!

Do you recognize him now? (The first guy on the left!) Yep, that is Mandy Patinkin again, or maybe better known as Jason Gideon from one of my very favorite shows, Criminal Minds!

I find it quite funny that this man is pretty much the main character in both my son and I's favorite shows! I didn't realize the connection at first, but when I did I couldn't help but laugh out loud.

Do you watch Criminal Minds? (I'm addicted!)

P.S. You might also recognize Mr. Patinkin from The Princess Bride... Google it, it's pretty funny!

Neglected.

That's how this blog must surely feel. I can't believe I only posted 1 post all of last year. How sad. I would like to start using this blog a lot more...

We shall see if that happens or not I guess.

a new year

“SEIZE THE DAY.”

I AM ASHLEY NICOLE NORMAN

WIFE, MOTHER, FRIEND.

“EVERY BEGINNING COMES FROM SOME OTHER BEGINNINGS END.”

THIS YEAR IS MY YEAR.

I HAVE LEARNED FROM MY PAST, LIVE IN MY PRESENT, AND STRIVE TO BETTER MYSELF FOR MY FUTURE- A FUTURE WHICH IS ALWAYS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER- ALWAYS ONLY A DAY AWAY.

                  AVID                CREATIVE                         PATIENT

I AM A READER, A WRITER, AND A TEACHER.

I AM A GOAL KEEPER.

I RECOGNIZE WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT. I FOCUS ON ONLY WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT. AND I FORGIVE MYSELF WHEN I SCREW UP BEING PERFECT AT DOING WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT.

I AM NOT PERFECT.

I AM A LOVER.

–SPONTANEOUS, FUN, EASY-GOING-

I KNOW HOW TO SHOW JUSTIN- MY ONE AND ONLY- THAT I LOVE HIM, AND I DO IT. DAILY. AND JUST CAUSE WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR OVER 2 YEARS DOESN’T MEAN WE CAN’T ACT LIKE HONEYMOONERS. J

I AM A STUDENT. “EDUCATION IS THE MOST POWERFUL WEAPON WHICH YOU CAN USE TO CHANGE THE WORLD.” –NELSON MANDELA

-I IMMERSE MY MIND, MY HEART, MY SOUL IN BOOKS THAT EXPLORE ALL WALKS OF LIFE, BOTH REAL AND FANTASTICAL-

“I AM TRYING TO BE LIKE JESUS.”

I SEEK OUT THOSE IN NEED OF MY SERVICE.

I GIVE MY TIME TO THE CALLINGS I’VE BEEN GIVEN.

I UTILIZE MY TALENTS TO SPREAD THE GOSPEL.

I AM ME.

AND I WILL,

SEIZE THE DAY.

Want to write your own mission statement?  Here are some reasons why you should... 

The Benefits of a Well-Defined Mission Statement

• It focuses your energy and clarifies your purpose. When you try to write your mission statement, you will find that you have to really define what you are going to do. Many questions will come up that must be resolved. Be careful to keep your mission narrowly focused to ensure that you don't bite off more than you can chew.
• A well-defined mission statement can and should motivate YOU. Make your mission statement compelling as well as clear.

Some Tips for Writing Your Mission Statement

• Bring in many perspectives. This will help you develop a broad base of support.
• Allow enough time. Time spent now will pay off later. So, don't rush the process. Provide time to reflect on the information you gather, to write an initial draft, to allow key participants to read it, and to make changes.
• Be open to new ideas. Be open to different interpretations of what you should be doing and new ideas about how to accomplish your goals. Use brainstorming techniques to ensure that all ideas come forward freely. You can winnow them down later.
• Write short and only what you need. The best mission statements are short and state the obvious. Your statement's length and complexity depends on what you want to do, but keep it as brief as possible. You should be able to use the statement frequently, so make it brief and succinct. 
• Review your mission statement frequently.

(information about creating a mission statement from http://nonprofit.about.com/od/nonprofitbasics/a/mission.htm)

And here are a few other mission statement "rules" to remember...

#1- Use "I" in your mission statements, and keep it POSITIVE.

#2- Your mission statement should be used as a reminder of the person you are working on becoming, so it's okay to add "I" statements that aren't true yet, but will be in the future. :)

#3- And personally, I like to use favorite quotes that kind of represent "themes" or important aspects I want to focus on  in my life.

"Fear not, I am with thee"

"Expect the unexpected."

Is anyone out there good at this? Do any of you expect life to throw you really unexpected twists and turns?

I'm not. And I don't.

It's hard to think that way isn't it?

Yet, this is the thought that has found its way across my mind many times in the last few weeks- "expect the unexpected."

3 weeks ago, on Tuesday, August 24th at 5:47 PM, our sweet little baby boy was born, ten weeks early, weighing 2 lbs 10 oz and 14 1/2 inches long. I had severe pre-eclampsia and as my body got more and more sick the doctors decided that our baby was no longer safe to stay inside me, not to mention, I wasn't safe with him inside me either. 

Keaton Justin Norman

I have never had such a unexpected week in my whole life. 

While in the hospital, after Keaton was born, I would wake up in the middle of the night not knowing where I was, or why I wasn't pregnant anymore. I would then realize I was in the hospital and not remember why. It all felt like a bad dream- a nightmare really. It didn't feel real. NOTHING felt real. It's hard to explain exactly what all the horrible thoughts were like and how they felt, but my life felt like it had fallen apart.

As the days passed, and I came home from the hospital, leaving our baby boy there to be taken care of, the reality of what happened started to sink in and my emotions struggled to know how I should feel. I worried about our baby, cried a lot, and didn't know how I was going to get through the day, let alone the week, the next few months...until Keaton can come home to us. 

One morning, just a few days after I got home from the hospital, Justin turned on a church CD in the family room and while I was lying in bed I could hear the sound of the hymns playing. I stayed in bed for a long time that morning, even after Justin had left for school, and just listened to the music while in and out of sleep. But one of the songs stuck in my head and stayed in my head throughout the day...

"I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand... upheld by my righteous omnipotent hand." (How Firm a Foundation, Hymn #85- verse 3)

But it was these lines from the song that really affected me,

"As thy days may demand, as thy days may demand, as thy days may demand, so thy succor shall be." (How Firm a Foundation, Hymn #85- verse 2)

And suddenly, after these words repeating themselves over and over again inside my head, I realized that they were the answer to my prayers. And they became my comfort as I realized that although what I am going through is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life, and that it isn't going to be over anytime soon I realized that my Savior will be with me to "succor" me "as [my] days may demand." For as long as I need Him he will be here for me- he will always be here for me "to strengthen [me], help [me], and cause [me] to stand." 

And I just knew that this is what I need,

                                                                         my Savior. 

We all do.